Internet Safety: The mistake of talking down to kids

Internet safety and the cause of helping learners of all ages (including parents) understand the challenges and dangers (as well as the opportunities) present in our hyper-linked digital landscape continues to be a personal and professional passion for me. This weekend, my wife and I previewed a new video she purchased for use by our church’s Children’s Ministries department titled, “Internet Safety DVD” by the organization “The Safe Side.” While many of the ideas and tips shared during the presentation are good, overall we found this DVD to be unacceptable and NOT usable for presentations on Internet safety for parents and young people. The main video makes the mistake of constantly “talking down” to the audience, making continual attempts at cheesy humor which distracts rather than engages or informs, and misses great opportunities to effectively leverage the power of digital media to communicate and persuade. I would NOT recommend this DVD to people interested in Internet safety or sharing presentations with various audiences on the topic of Internet safety. While the producers have good credentials, the video has won some awards, and it certainly seems well-intentioned, the video overall is a big disappointment. Neither of us are going to use with or recommend the main video of this DVD to others in educational or home settings.

The best part of the DVD are the scenes included in the “for parents” section, which is password protected. (When you visit the “Safe Side” website for the DVD, the “parent section password” is provided.) The two personal stories included there are real and impactful. These remind me of some of the videos included with the free iSafe curriculum program. Hearing stories from a young person’s perspective, especially personal experiences, can be much more meaningful and effective than watching a goofy adult actor who communicates little real experience or knowledge about technology use or the dangers of the Internet. I wish this main video of the DVD included segments like those included in the “parent password section.” I can recommend the use these two segments with both parents and students in the context of discussions and presentations about Internet safety.

In the main video on the DVD, the only sections which seem marginally effective are the portions which show who “the person on the other side of the Internet connection” is. That is a reality MANY kids do not understand or recognize when they are online, and one of the most important to “get” from a safety standpoint. The person typing text chat or playing a game with you online may be 14 years old or 41 years old. There is no way to tell, and you can’t believe anything you are told by a stranger online.

Watching this video gave me an idea which I consider one of the most valuable “take aways” from the DVD and the subsequent conversation I had with my wife about it and these issues. I think every school should have a team of students who create a serious, non-cheesy Internet safety video which addresses these issues. In the video, I think students should use basic special effects (videotaping with a tripod and using the pause button with a video transition to make a person disappear and transform into someone else) as a technique to communicate this idea of “the person on the other side of the Internet connection.” Having worked with students here in Oklahoma previously on the issue of Internet safety, I know for a fact that many kids have GOOD ideas when it comes to being safe online and are willing to share them. In addition, students are eager to share their voices and record their ideas in an audio podcast for their peers and school. Internet safety IS an important topic, but I don’t think this particular video from “The Safe Side” is one all students need to be shown. I think students as well as teachers can use free curriculum programs like iSafe and then make their own video or set of videos about Internet safety. (iSafe has great free videos available for use as well, btw.) Because a homegrown video like this would use local actors and actresses, I think kids watching it would pay much more attention. Plus, the learning experience of making a video like this would be much more impactful for everyone involved. I’m going to suggest that we make a video like this at our local elementary school, and then make it available (free) for everyone at school on DVD. If we obtain parent permission to publish student video on the web, it would be great to also share that video online. The most important thing, IMHO, is sharing a video like that with the local audience.

As I mentioned previously, many of the ideas and suggestions mentioned in the main video of this DVD ARE good. I just found the presentation style to be distracting and ineffective. Some of the online safety tips shared in the video include:

1- Don’t ever go into a chat room without your “safe-side adult.”
2- Don’t download email, files, or open pop-ups without permission from your “safe-side adult.”
3- Don’t ever give out personal information online.
4- Never meet someone in person who you have met online
5- Move computers into the family room, keep computers out of bedrooms.
6- The most important thing is to talk with your kids and have open lines of communication.
7- Don’t trust anything that a stranger online tells you.
8- Be a hero, report inappropriate behavior, email, and other suspicious behavior online to a trusted adult who can report it to the CyberTipLine.

I’m not entirely sure the advice to NEVER go into a chat room without a parent or guardian at your side is realistic for most kids. I agree it is a bad idea for kids to go trolling around chat rooms via Yahoo IM or other IM clients looking for strangers to talk to. My wife heard a local FBI special agent address a girl scout group of parents this past Saturday on the topic of Internet safety, and he showed them screenshots from Yahoo chatrooms where he regularly hangs out taking on a fictional personnna as a 13 year old girl. That experience encouraged my wife and I to login to some Yahoo chatrooms for the first time this weekend, to see what sorts of conversations are going on there, and I have to agree those sorts of online environments are NOT good for young people.

The two poignant stories included in the “parents only” section of this DVD are kids telling their stories who met strangers online and then ran away from home to be with those people. In both cases, the “person on the other side of the Internet connection” was an adult male who is now in prison. This video is co-produced by The National Center For Missing & Exploited Children, and this “worst case scenario” of kids either running away from home or being kidnapped by someone they meet online IS a reality and IS something parents need to be aware of. I still maintain, however, that some people sharing presentations on Internet safety seem to share an unbalanced perspective about the Internet and the ways most kids are using it today. The research I’ve read indicates that MOST KIDS are not going online to meet strangers. Most are there to play games and socially network with their friends they already know face to face. A perception abounds (at least here in educational contexts where I work in Oklahoma) that as soon as someone installs an instant messaging program on his/her computer, Internet predators immediately jump into that person’s screen.

That is simply not true. The CHOICES which are made with technologies are the key as to whether or not an Internet predator contacts you. If kids (or adults) are trolling around Internet chat rooms, using an IM userid suggestive of a young person (male or female,) hanging out in chat environments were sex is being discussed, or actually discussing sexual topics via chat or IM themselves, then that individual IS likely to be solicited in inappropriate ways. If a kid (or adult) posts personal information to MySpace or another social networking website and includes his/her own IM userid or email address, then that person HAS just provided a direct key into their mind to anyone surfing that social networking website. Setting a personal profile to private IS a good idea, but not a fail-safe solution. I agree with the DVD authors and most other “experts” on Internet safety that young people should NEVER give out personal contact information of any type online, either via an IM chat or on a website. The sad fact is, however, that many young people are troubled and looking for friendship, support, as well as their own identity in the real world as well as online. These vulnerable youth ARE at risk for multiple things, in multiple venues. I don’t think this DVD is really giving those kids any new information they don’t already have. If a kid is lying about his/her age to get into a chat room on Yahoo or elsewhere, he/she already knows that is wrong. If they are talking to a stranger in a chat room, that may seem exciting but that child already knows that behavior is dangerous and not a good idea. I think the issues here are less about technology and new information for parents and kids, as they are about needing to support good parenting practices including open lines of communication and trust between parents and kids.

My wife and I brainstormed a series of recommendations about Internet safety that were NOT included in this DVD but should be shared in educational presentations about Internet safety. I am going to be presenting at our state health conference on October 29th about Internet Safety and online social networking, and I am going to completely revise my previous presentations to include most or all of these tips:

1- Have clear boundaries for all digital technologies: TVs, MP3 players, cell phones, land line phones, computers, DVD players, console game systems, handheld game systems.

2- Beware if/when your child quickly closes a computer window when you come into the room or look over their shoulder. If they have something to hide, you both need to talk about it openly and honestly.

3- Get an account on the social networking sites your kids are using, make them make you a “friend” so you can fully see their profile and connect to their friends.

4- If the social networking sites your child uses permit them to make a “limited profile,” have them choose that option.

5- Don’t lie about your age when you register for something online. (This goes for all kids as well as parents.)

6- Use kid-appropriate search engines for Internet research. Examples: Nettrekker, Yahoo Kids

7- Use kid-appropriate social networking websites (and still practice safe usage guidelines). Examples: Imbee, Webkinz, Club Penguin, Think.com

8- Be wary of advertising-intensive websites.

9- Be aware of proxy site availability and use. Ultimately there is NOT a technological solution for the “worst case” scenario of kids being kidnapped or running away from home. Open lines of communication with trusted and supportive adults is the best and only viable way to address this scenario.

10- Before kids go to a friend’s house and especially before a sleepover, discuss Internet safety just like you would discuss gun safety. Also ask the parents of the friend:
— What are your computer and Internet access rules at your house?
— Do you let your children get online in their bedroom?
— Do you have a content filter installed on your home computer or on your home network?

I’ll be posting more on this topic in the coming week as I prepare for the state health conference preso on Internet safety October 29th. I’m going to be contacting the FBI special agent my wife met this past weekend to get his perspectives and ideas as well.

Every community should be finding ways to discuss Internet safety issues on a regular basis. Shelly and I created the Digital Dialog Ning as a way to promote this ongoing dialog. We have not invested much time lately in the conversations there, but I expect we will work more there in the months ahead. We are scheduled to present a two-part evening seminar on Internet Safety for parents at a local Oklahoma City church (not our own) in November, and that workshop opportunity will give us more reasons (actual deadlines) to further develop our own thoughts and recommendations for ourselves and others on this extremely important topic.

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