It’s similar to teaching kids about the dangers of smoking instead of saying “smoking is bad, don’t do it”… what happens when the kid goes to a party by him/herself?

Parents should instill values, so kids can do it on their own later on.

The first reason a parent might want to view their child’s MySpace (or other social networking site) profile is because they fear (or are concerned, if the emotion is milder) their child might be making “mistakes” which could prove costly for them down the road. This could include disclosing too much personal information, disclosing personal contact info, posting photos of themselves and/or friends which could impede their future college or employment prospects, etc. Parents do have an abiding interest in the activities and actions of their children, but that role certainly changes over time as the child matures. Like other things I discuss and share about Internet safety, perhaps I should frame this suggestion not as “advice for everyone” but yet another option that is on the menu when it comes to promoting safe and responsible use of the Internet, as well as more generally just good “life choices.”

Another important reason parents might want to view their child’s MySpace profile is to learn more about their child’s friends. I have heard multiple stories from parents who have been amazed (and in some cases shocked) by what they learned by visiting the MySpace profile pages of their child’s boyfriend, girlfriend, or other friends and acquaintances. I do think it is important for parents to be informed and involved in the peer group their children choose. Research I’ve read (I’m thinking of Stephen Glenn and Jane Nelson’s book “Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World: Seven Building Blocks for Developing Capable Young People,” a book I highly commend) indicates that generally, as kids enter their teen years their peer group becomes the dominant influence in their lives, far outstripping the influence of parents and other adults. One of the key conclusions from that research (which focused on constructive ways to prevent a variety of youth self-destructive behaviors) is to increase the involvement, engagement, and communication which takes place between young people and older adults on an on-going basis. Glenn and Nelson call this “dialog,” which they define as “a meaningful exchange of perceptions in a non-threatening environment.” So, that understanding of promoting dialog in the home to increase the positive parent and adult influences in the life of the child throughout the teen years certainly informs my thinking and presentations on this topic.

I agree, Gary, that your parents’ approach of “trust the kids” sounds like an ideal approach. Kids are very different, however, and so are parents, and the options open to a parent of a pre-teen may seem quite different than those available to the parent of a teenager who is already in active rebellion against the authority of the parent(s).

I concluded our workshop last night be noting that ultimately, there is NOT a technology which can “solve” or “make easy” the situations which now commonly arise regarding inappropriate content on the web or “poor choices” which young people are making in virtual spaces. Ultimately face to face communication and maintaining open lines of communication is the most important thing parents and children can do/maintain to address these issues and others which come up in the course of life.

I suggested to the coordinator of this parent group that she set up a student/youth panel to discuss and address many of these issues: Having a youth-only discussion for 2 hours and then inviting parents to come listen to them speak in a panel for an hour. Like we see at most educational technology conferences, generally at events focused on Internet safety and kids we talk ABOUT the kids but don’t actually LISTEN to the kids. She was receptive to this idea, so hopefully that will take place later in the semester.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and perspectives on this, as always, it is challenging to consider different viewpoints and that process is always valuable. I agree whole heartedly on your last point about encouraging parents and kids to engage in constructive and FUN activities with computers together– that would be a great element to add to this presentation and overall message as well.

Why not do cool things with parents and kids with computers rather than scare them about theoretical risks?

The fact that the information may be read by others is a red herring when discussing a child’s right to have thoughts inaccessible to parents.

My parents loved and respected me. They told me what not to watch (and we typically obeyed), respected our privacy and trusted us to do the right thing. This approach worked pretty well with my own kids as well. Our 20, 22 and 24 year-old kids have had their own computers since preschool and 99% of the time they have done the right thing.

I had HBO and cable TV in 1973 (at the age of 10) and both of my parents worked. I have tried to convince people that children could be trusted ever since.

I am concerned that even well-meaning efforts to educate parents about Internet safety inevitably lead to over-protection, fear and hysteria.

We endanger the very same kids we desire to protect when we over-protect them, remove all risk and deny them opportunities to make personal choices. Such conditions make moral and ethical development impossible.